This is like THE most aweful picture ever. But I was just thinking about being a whore, about prositution--the reasons that go into such a lifestyle. And then I began to think about ways in which I prostitute myself in order to survive. And it hit me--prostitution is not about fun and fleeting fancies. Prostitution is about the need to survive. And I realized that I have been a prostitute for much of my life. Participating in the crack whore training that comes cheap in congregational settings where we sell ourselves to God for nothing--nothing but a promise of future jewels. This promise is nothing less than what the street whore is promised for her sexual favors. A better future, A more fulfilled existence. Prostitution encompasses more than just sex. Here is the dictionary.com definition. Prostitution: The act or an instance of offering or devoting one's talent to an unworthy use or cause.

And then I realized that I have spent most of my life as the church whore. I have recently been looking for a full-time job (I have a part-time church music director position). I interviewed for another church music position that pays more. Long story short, they offered me the job. But because of everyone's expectation that I prostitute my services for the simple greater good of the community, I am plagued with guilt about whether I should accept the position (that pays more) or not.

Also, in the interview I was grilled about whether I would be there for the long term or not. I mustered the guts to say that, "the reason the turnover rate for church musicians is so high, is because they can't be expected to treat the job as a career position when they aren't getting career pay or career benefits."

Anyway, enough of that vent. We will see how it all turns out. I do keep praying and hoping that God will show me what to do. Perhaps, lightning would work.