Performing

I have a lot of performances this month. About 7, not including church stuff. It is weird how satisfaction in life can be so very subtle. How we don't realize we enjoy something until after it is over. The big concert of the season for the children's choir is at the Pikes Peak Center, pictured above. I've played there once and I wished I was singing to all of those people instead of playing. I wish my boyfriend could come to see what it is that I do. But he can't. In fact, I found out today that he will be on probation at the academy again next semester. He is doing so well on probation that they don't want to take him off--supposedly. The military academy is so anti-female. And I don't care who reads this. I am not utilitarian. I'm so tired of calling my boyfriend my boyfriend. It sounds so trivial and I get no respect with that. And then, what would it mean if he were my fiance or husband? There are no one way tickets to merryland. You know how I derive my happiness? By looking at my past and thanking God that I'm not as miserable and tragic as I once was. I'm posting really quickly--so forgive my lack of sense. And you know what else I hate? Making copies and having to be politically savvy in a position where I make a little over minimum wage, in the copy room when I have 10 billion copies to make and teachers are waiting to make theirs. I just can't concentrate while they are standing there waiting and I am trying to figure out how to work the ##### machine. And all the older women always harrass me because they think I'm a student. I go to pick up some letterhead from the front office and I get questioned like I'm an undercover piece of. Anyway, I've never been good with stuff like that. The small stuff. Why does it bother me? I hate rules. I think we have rules because there is no good will. I don't know where I fit in.