Competition

I never liked competition anyway. It always seemed easier said than done. And no one, not even you likes second place. There shouldn’t even be a second place--much less a third or fourth. Even the one time that I placed first, it was a tie. It doesn’t mean much to be first but it hurts real bad to come in second. People that are not as good as me make it farther than I do everyday. It’s ok. It’s just that it makes it real hard to think I’m worth anything at all. I remember my very first day of kindergarten. It was my first day of being last. My first day of putting myself last so that others could be first. And yet I never stopped wanting to be first. I don’t know if you relate to this feeling at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re surprised. For a really long time I was sinfully innocent and I survived by meeting everyone’s expectations that I always naively believed were for my own good. And even though I’ve since traveled dark and dirty roads that perfect people avoid, I still somehow believe I can please you because I’ll never be so good that I get to stop caring what you think. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I am doing it. I’m doing it.

Life has a way of turning out a pattern. The longer we follow a certain pattern, the more definitive that pattern becomes. And everyone else can see what we’ve been weaving for ourselves. But we have sewn ourselves inside. In my early growing up years I was a quiet little girl with perfect blue eyes and beautiful blonde hair. I can still remember the first time I ever competed. But there was no competition. I was silent and shy. The victor. Because back then little girls won by getting in the back of the line. But at some point something changed.

I couldn’t believe the feeling I had in the moment that she told me I had missed it. I would have never missed it because missing wasn’t something I did. I had never missed anything. And I never needed to stand up and shout “pick me!” “pick me!” because I was the one doing the choosing. And I refused to believe that I was wrong. So I looked her straight in the face and said that I would not repeat the same thing the next day because I knew that I was right and she was wrong. She backed down because she knew she was already too old and shriveled up to convince me I was human just like her.

The night always came too quickly at my grandmother’s house. It hung over my head so that morning was my only comfort. Morning was bright, fresh and new. But night was dirty, stale and old. It was as if at night my grandma turned into the wolf that befriended Little Red Riding Hood. Her violent snoring scared me. But the morning always came. With the smell of bacon, eggs and biscuits. And since then I’ve always loved food. At one time I could eat four big biscuits that my grandma made especially for me. I smell my grandma now. And just because you’ve ever had a grandma doesn’t mean you smell what I smell. Her smell was never of flowers and perfume but it was a mixture of sweat, upholstery and lard.

My Bro-in-law and his brother are trying out the podcasting world. Check it out. If you want to visit their actual site you can go to http://www.meandmybro.com. Hey to everyone.


"Welcome to MeandMyBro.com
Where two brothers have a lot to say about nothing.


We're glad you found us. We don't know HOW you found us, but here you are. This is a place where "keeping it real" is the theme. And two brothers arguing about things that nobody cares about is on the menu. That's right- it's just us hangin' out saying the things that pop into our heads before we have time to filter it. We'll take you on trips that we take. We'll give you food reviews on some of our favorite foods as well as things we've never tried before. We'll tell you about movies we've seen and tell you why you should or shouldn't waste your time with it. But beware- we are brothers so we tend to argue with each other about most anything.


So if you've got the stomach for it and about 20 minutes to kill check out the first episode of our new podcast called "Me and My Bro". Once you hear the first one you'll be begging us for the next. Listen through the player we've provided below... You're welcome!"

THE MOST AWESOME MUSIC TOOL EVER

Hi Everyone,

I know it has been a while. The holidays have been really, really busy. There is a lot that I want to tell you and I will take the time later this evening probably. I also need to catch up on everyone. Hope you are all doing well. To those who have stayed in touch despite the hectic season---I really appreciate it!

This post is to thank BUD Buckley for sending me the most awesome musical invention ever. I have taken piano lessons since third grade, that is over 12 years of piano lessons-- and nothing has ever made so much theoretical musical sense to me! I can now play songs in every key and know which chords work with which chords, with a simple tool right at my finger tips. No cumbersome books, no confusing chord charts, no gobbedly gook, nerdy explanations.

This is a visual tool that helps you play the right chords instantly.

I have always had the problem of going to my grandparent's old fashioned church where they say on the cuff in a redneck accent, "let's get this in the key of Aflat major minor accidental third." Ok. That is a bit of an exaggeration. But now, I feel like I could play the piano at their church with no problem, because of this tool.

I haven't been so excited about a product since, mannn, I can't even think of something that has proven to be as beneficial as this new tool will prove to be, in my career and everyday feeling of "holding my own" in the world of music.

I would suggest that anyone reading this blog, that is into music, whether it be the playing the piano or guitar, or even if you are just a vocalist---EVERYONE, should put an order in for this product from Bud.

As soon as I get this month's paycheck, I am going to put in a order for everyone in my family.

Ok, I'll stop now. It's just that this is kind of emotional for me too. I have spent years feeling inferior for not being able to understand how "it all works." I have sat in piano lesson after piano lesson bug eyed, mindlessly shaking my head to theory lessons that I never though I would be able to use in a practical way.

This tool is what I need to do what I need to do.

Just this Sunday, my pastor asked me to transpose something that was too high for the men in the congregation to sing. NOW---I do not laugh at the idea. I am going to find a suitable key, using the tool that Bud sent.

Ok, I'll stop now. Thank you for taking the time to send your brilliant invention Bud! I will get the word out with everyone I know.

And to everyone else, thanks for listening to my spill. I am just so excited, that's all.

I will visit your blogs and catch up real soon.

Anna