Makin' My Way Back To Cleveland

I'm in Cleveland.

Packed in like 10 minutes this morning.
Met Dr. Beverly Hogan on the shuttle--an extremely cool lady.
Had a shrimp/something something lasagne for dinner--was excellent.

I didn't imagine Cleveland to be this big. Ohio is just such a dull name for a state (sorry ohioians!). But I love this Kinny Chesney song that references Cleveland.

And in the morning
I’m leaving,
making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope
that I will do just fine
And I don’t see
how you could ever be
anything but mine.
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(Some thoughts from last night)
Are you completely clueless to your charm?

Is there really a shoe that fits? Is it possible for my face to feel flushed as a part of reality?

I used to be so pure in my hopes but I see how life has the tendency to cycle us down to what we can only dream about as a disjointed existence.

I feel such deep feelings.

It is like two worlds fighting against each other. I don't want to be alone....I don't want to be foolish....I don't want to gamble with the real pieces of life.

I don't feel bad for not wanting to be alone.

But I feel bad that I have some unrealistic imagination of what things are supposed to be, instead of what they are.

I feel guilty for enjoying your company. And I don't want to be a floater in life. I don't want to make flighty decisions when people's feelings and lives are at stake. It just seems like no one understands me. I want it to be ok that I love to admire flowers, taste and smell things, enjoy every little inch of what I can see, smell, feel and hear. But I feel so stunted most of the time. I don't want to feel like I am an irresponsible little girl when I take the time to feel something as deeply as is humanly and spiritually possible.

I can't keep walking with people on a shallow level. I just want to talk to people like they are real, like there is a soul inside, not like they are just a shell of humanity.

God has to love me like this in all of my muddy humanity.

My emotions are elastic.